I have a horrid habit of talking about one thing when I really am talking about another, but I am also often told that I do so, most obviously, that I really should just come clean.

The thing is, when I am totally and brutally candid, people don’t like it. My sister says I need to put filters in, and she is right. The way my brain works, is that I want people to be totally honest with me. If I ask a question I would really quite like an answer.  Yes, this has taken a while for my husband to understand, and we have been married almost fifteen years. You see, when I ask a question, I want an answer. I do not ask questions to hear my opinion, I do so to find out yours.

If I ask a straight question and get no response; I will try a different approach. I will have a conversation that, to me, highlights the issue and if this yet again falls on deaf ears, when I know you are a wise intelligent human being, I really start to ponder… perhaps you really do not see me.

Perhaps you do, perhaps you just do not want to deal with it, perhaps it is not important. But I have more faith in you.

Anyway…. why am I writing this? No one wants to read my late night ramblings, do they… I just need to get it out. I need to scream and shout.  I know, a tantrum is what a toddler does, I am almost forty, I should know better.

And that is the crux of the matter.  I should know better.  I know that path I must take, however much I don’t want to.  I know what is required.

You see I am one of the lucky ones, I had two parents that not only loved me, but also cared enough about me to teach me the difference between right and wrong. They taught me when to speak and when to be quiet. There is actually a bible verse that states this perfectly Ecclesiastes 3:7. (Now before I hear complaints about quoting the bible, I could quite happily have quite happily quoted Shakespeare or the Koran)

It’s just that Ecclesiastes 3:7 says it perfectly A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak. I have to remember that; even though my heart wants to do something;I have to learn to be silent. I have to learn to know when I should scream. I am thirty-seven years old and I am learning this now. I must teach my children to know this as they grow.

& before you ask… no, this is not about you, & yes, this is all about you. But at the end of the day, who and what created the lesson does not matter; what matters is that I closed my mouth; I opened my eyes and ears; and I learnt.

What have you learned today?

Image from here