Well as you know by now I’m a SAHM with two adorable boys & a husband who puts up with me, but what you don’t know is that recently there was a possibility that life was going to change dramatically.
Now it didn’t pan out (& I won’t go into the gory details) but what it’s left me with is a deep feeling of longing for it, or something similar to come along.
Now the possibility came out of the blue, I was looking for a change though perhaps nothing as dramatic. This however would have been exciting, shiny and new (it’s probably best that it is just that; a consuming fantasy in my head) It would have caused much upheaval and raised eyebrows, I cam almost hear the “really she’s going to do that” in my ears. But you know what, we only get one chance at this thing called life, why not take a risk once in a while?
Anyway, writing the 10 things you didn’t know about me post the other day really got me thinking, is where I am now (which is not a bad place at all I’d like to add), is that the place that life has for me?
Is there still time to squeeze in one huge madcap adventure, and if so who will be there for the ride? Alternatively would it be better (read more safe) to find something all together less consuming, less risky to occupy time with.
Now both my wee ones are at nursery and I have a couple of hours to myself each day (theoretically at least, this week’s been mad) I am much more aware that soon they will both be in school and then what? I am not the kind of person to stay home and “tend” to the house (not that there is anything wrong with that, in fact I have HUGE respect for stay at home parents, it’s a really hard job!) to be honest I’d probably whitter away the hours tweeting, blogging, exercising or not doing anything remotely productive. That would be bad for me and very bad for my head!
So now I have to be sensible and look to my future, focus on what I want, how that will impact the people around me and start recapturing the lively enthusiasm there was there in the past
Now there is a seed of an idea, that might be good, but then again, it’s a little bit safe. I want more, yet I know I should be satisfied with what I have (I know I am a very lucky girl)
I am reminded of the proverb “it is better to want what you have than have what you want” I suppose I should practice wanting what I have.
This is not a new thought by the way, at different times in my life I have wondered “Is this it. Is this the meaning of life?” When I ask my mother’s opinion she says it is to survive. I do not think that is enough, but perhaps I am selfish to think that what I have, which is full of love, is not enough.