Listography – things I’d change about myself

Another gauntlet has been set by the lovely Kate at Kate Takes 5, and this weeks list are ccharacteristics I’d change about myself, that is to say no talk of physique changes.

This is actually a hard one, as about a year ago I felt stuck in a rut, there were certain things I did that just didn’t make me happy, and I’d realised that this was a steady progression over years.  So ever since I’ve endeavoured to modify behavioural patterns and attitudes.  I’ve been lucky I am blessed to have dear friends that call me on things that I do that are just “not helpful” in the journey to achieve this.

Being so down on myself… This is a huge one, I could have written reward successes rather than berate failures, or not set such unattainable expectations for myself as I do all of the above.  I am not sure when it started, but it’s going to stop now.  I have no idea why I expect myself to be able to do everything to a high standard, though my expectations of others is fair, leaning to really quite low.  I suppose that is so I am not disappointed in others, but what about me?  Over inflated expectations result in my perpetual disappointment at myself, and that is just not good.  So I am endeavouring to notice progress, and not just complain that this progress is not working fast enough. Because at the end of the day, there are lots of good things about me, even if I’m cringing writing this, (it really isn’t in our culture to “big ourselves up”,) and even if the good things are small, they are good, and should be celebrated for that.

Be less impatient… you may have gathered from above that I am a wee touché impatient, well rather a lot actually.  When I have an idea I want to share it, straight away, even if the person I want to share it with is sleeping.  When I have an idea to write for the blog, I want to stop what I am doing and write it then and there, rather than tidy up the kitchen after breakfast… One of the worst things to do to me is say that I’ve got something to tell you but I’ll tell you later, (JUST TELL ME NOW!!) my mind goes through every permutation for what this snippet of information could be, and by the time I do get to find out it’s not nearly as bad as the things I have thought up.  This is a hard one to modify, but I do try, I have a little voice in my head that says slow down, patience is a virtue, tranquilla, (all said in my mother’s voice as she’s been saying all three since I was a wee girl.)

Finish what I start… I start projects all the time; books, knitting, exercise regimes, oh the list goes on of that I have ideas about, plan, some I even start, most however are left half-finished.  Why?  Well I go through bouts of incredible creative energy, when I like to be doing lots, this is followed by bouts of apathy and lack of motivation.  When the latter occurs it is hard to do anything, let alone anything creative.  By the time the creative inspiration returns the interest is generally in a different direction.  So what am I going to do about it, who knows, I think I am going to start focusing more, trying to do one thing at a time, realising the feeling of pride at completion is as good as the excitement of creating something new.  I am also trying not to berate myself if I do lose focus, and just be patient until the inspiration returns.

Stop making people think that I am interrogating them… This is one my sister and husband are constantly telling me I do.  I am incredibly inquisitive, probably to a fault, and I tend to bombard people with questions.  I think that I am taking all the information in, but often miss critical pieces of the puzzle.  So I am endeavouring to slow things down. Giving me and the person time to think and to listen more and act on what is said to me.

Tidy up as I go along… Oh I am such a mess sometimes, then rather than tidy up I get distracted, by trains, painting, play doh, lego, cars… my iTouch and PC also help so much to lead me astray; as do Facebook, twitter and texting, which I enjoy so much.  Thus small messes get bigger, and tidying up after them becomes more of a chore.  The funny thing is that tidiness and minimalist existence creates a calm in me.  So that is what I am focusing on, not the fact that I don’t want to, or run out of time to tidy up, but the thought that when it’s done, the result makes me happy, now just to tell my children to assist with not creating mess too…

Oh this post feels like therapy, thank you Kate…
& just so you know just like everything, some of the behaviour modification is being achieved better than others, but I do try… slowly at least to show a good example to my boys.