I love being your friend, but miss being your girlfriend.

I don’t know whether it was the over sentimental thoughts brought on by the royal wedding, the winding road on the way to one of my favorite places, or THAT song that popped up on random play of my iPod. But today I was transported back to a time when my emotions were raw.

My status had changed from your girlfriend to your friend. We both understood the reasons, they made sense, logical me knew that it was the right thing to do.  Though even today, I could feel that pain engulf my body again.  The memory of my stupidity, my fragile state, feelings of loss and regret were so real.

Even after the decision to just be friends; we talked every day; we were still there for each other; metaphorically holding hands through tough times.  So special, yet it still never felt like enough.

As I was meandering through the twists and turns of this road, being sensible as I had two sleeping children in the back of my car, I thought how you would have enjoyed to race around these bends, seeing how far you could push yourself and machinery to get that thrill you always searched for in life.

I could hear your voice telling me not to take the easy path in the forest, to push myself and the boys.  For once yesterday I did not feel alone, and whilst you were a mere ghost, a memory it was wickedly delicious, yet again you brought a wry smile to my lips.

Silly looking back, we’re both married with children.  How life changes.  I do hope however I’ll be your friend forever, though it’d be nice if you didn’t live so far away…

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