You know when you get that feeling that something is up, that someone is sad, or worried about something, or they’ve fallen in love, but they are not ready or don’t want to share, they hold it in and try to project to the world that the status quo has been maintained.
Well I am quite good at noticing these changes, this trait was useful when I worked in the world of engineering, as I could provide an outlet for some engineers to talk, and thus be more focused, boy did I learn some stories, but don’t you worry, something I am also good at is not sharing and keeping my mouth shut.
What always gets me is when I don’t follow my instincts, when I push these feelings to the back of my mind, when I tell myself that my over active imagination (and it is) is working on overdrive, that I am being “exagerada” as my mother would label my behavior time and time again.
Rarely however am I wrong, and it makes me so angry when I do not listen to myself, when I do not trust myself. I don’t really get angry at others actions and behaviors, just at me. Then I beat myself up (metaphorically of course), berate me for not trusting the one and only person I can truly trust.
Dr. Gregory House: “Everybody lies.”