Ghosts of the past and of the future.

Today I saw a picture of a ghost from the past, a face I would rather forget.  One that I rarely if ever talk of and try not to think of either.

However recently I have started a dialogue with a ghost of the future, it has been a frank, interesting, wild, breathtaking, brutally honest discussion; taking me way out of my comfort zone and allowing me to address issues pertinent to the now.  I’ve shocked myself in the topics that I am answering, and even bringing up.  It is scary, raw, exciting and makes me feel alive.

Then a picture pops up on my desktop, and reminds me of that immense, black cloud, one that I thought I had moved on from, and my breath is taken, I start to shake.  The raw pain is returned to fill my vulnerable open body.  The weight has returned, and I start to regret opening up.  Regret trying to find a delicious distraction in the dreich existence.

Not that it is all dreich, I am loved deeply, I am safe, I have shelter, I am just missing something to complete the picture.  I suppose I am searching for that missing piece of the puzzle, or is it that survival is just that the search for a perceived missing element to life?

Within minutes, the call for reinforcements have been made, I feel safe knowing I have shared a little of my pain, and happy to know I am loved and this emotional blip will return to being but a fleeting memory in the woven story of my life.

But what of the future? Will my ghost be a memory faster than expected or will the reality stay to brighten the door of monotony for a few moments longer.  Let the story continue…